Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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