There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
