Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
