just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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