Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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