The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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