Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
