I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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