So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
