im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
