Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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