He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
