I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
