Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
