its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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