I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
