What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
