I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
