I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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