I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
