wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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