I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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