All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
