I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
