you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
