Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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