I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
