I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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