It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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