I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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