It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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