have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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