Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
