i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
