then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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