you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to jail i love you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize