Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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