So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
