I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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