My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
