i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think people are normalizing furries
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
