Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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