Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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