I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
