she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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