I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
