true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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