This girl is more easily done than said...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
