Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
