its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
