White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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