I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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