do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
