I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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