What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
