I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
