Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
