Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i think im in europe. pls send help
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
