I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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