john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
