Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm always down for nudity.
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