oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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