so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
