Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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